Day by Day

This time and age has been quite deceiving in the way we view other people’s lives. It feels as though we are all entrap in a silent competition of who lives the most polished, organized, planned, and picturesque life — not realizing how much is real, how much is romanticized, and how much is only a veil. It makes us aim for the biggest of goals and the strongest of purpose which leads to our overlapping days and the feeling of ‘not really living.’

Just like the whole world, I have been suffering intense fears and worries the past couple of months. Worldwide phenomena have drastically changed our plans and goals and left us in such uncertain crossroads not knowing where to go next.

By nature, anything that feels uncertain to humans immediately equates to some form of discomfort and anxiety. Even the bravest of souls and strongest of hearts quiver even the slightest in the face of immense uncertainty.

I envy those who have the truest of faith in believing in the way of the universe. However, there are those of us who have faith but are pragmatic. There are those of us who believe in evidence and crystal clear outcomes which make the uncertain path of faith a bit tricky.

And so, those of us who do not entirely believe in goodness and its uncertainty also lack the enthusiasm to breathe not of necessity but of essence — the kind that makes us feel what it means to truly live wide awake.

What happens then to those of us who do not always see the end of the tunnel? Well, we do everything we can to create our own exit. We do everything we can to find the end of our tunnel and seek all the happiness and peace we can along the way. We do everything we can to live outside our tunnel and feel life as much as we can.

Truth is, all of us, even the bravest of souls and the strongest of hearts are in a dark tunnel at times. The only difference is that the tunnel comes in different times,  different forms, and different intensities. But it will always be lurking at the back of our being — getting ignited by those that we fear and those that are uncertain.

There was a time when my biggest worry was staying in the star section of my class. I feared the shame it would bring had I been kicked out of it.

There was a time my biggest fear was getting through my term as Editor-in-Chief. I feared the opportunity getting lost had I not been able to do my job well.

There was a time when my biggest fear was my family in Kansas. I feared what would happen had I not talk to everyone and did my best to make amends.

Had those times happened now, they would not have been as intense, or intense at all. One thing I realized during all those times of pitch black abyss is that, by nature, we always find things that scare us tremendously, but no amount of pain and suffering is forever. Fears pass, and so does the pain it brings.

Some of us become very small and frightened in the face of something we do not know. But I have learned that we cannot wait for the tunnel to gain its light or for someone to bring it to us. We can only do our very best to push through while bringing everything and everyone that gives us meaning. But sometimes fear can blur reality from falsity. We must always remember that there is always something and someone that wants us out of the tunnel.

By that, we learn to detach our overlapping days from one another; learn to breathe of essence, and not just pure necessity; and learn to romanticize the simple pleasures and joys.

I have now finally understood what it means to not have one single purpose in a lifetime. I used to think otherwise. I thought all of us were brought to this world for some kind of mission. But truth is, our purpose is found each day. There are days when our purpose is big, and there are days when it is simple.

If today your only purpose is to breathe and feel life to the best of your abilities, then that is simply it. Tomorrow might be different. Tomorrow your purpose might be for the fruition of someone else’s path. The day after tomorrow your purpose might be for many more lives and bigger contributions. But focus on the now. Taking life in day by day eventually takes us to where we are meant to be — and often times surprises us with new joys and simple victories we can take along the way.

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