Face your fears

A drowning like feeling, just like a fish gasping for air, is what I used to feel whenever I see the vast ocean. I had a terrible water accident when I was 16 years old. We had a pool party and one of my friends pushed me in the pool without warning, which froze my entirety. I couldn’t move for a few seconds, under the water. The scary part was – no one noticed that I was drowning. I swallowed so much water, before I was able to swim back to the surface. Feeling scared and upset, I left without saying a word to anyone. One thing for sure, the incident changed me. For more than 18 years, the mere sight of body of water freaked me out. 

One faithful day, I woke up with a determination to heal my fear. I enrolled to a scuba diving certification class in Moal Boal, Cebu. Our instructor was an Australian guy, tall, slender and an open water diver champion. I disclosed to him the purpose I signed up in his class. It is more for a healing reason than the certificate. We were taught all the things about diving, precautions and what have you, and practiced in a big swimming pool first for the first three days. On the fourth day we rode the boat and headed to a designated diving spot for trainees. I started psyching myself on our way, that all will be well.

When the boat parked, my heart stopped. We were instructed to jump to the deep blue waters. I refused to jump. Fright enveloped me and I started shaking violently. Wolfgang (instructor) comforted me, murmured quietly in my ears, to kill the monster “fear”. Braving it, I got up, slowly walked towards the edge of the boat, took a long deep breath, closed my eyes and I jumped. 

Fear is what most people state of feeling presently, around the globe, during this season of crisis. I know a family who never stepped out of their abode since the beastly virus Covid-19 arrival, up to the present, because of fear of being infected. 

Fear is mostly derived from unpleasant life experiences, environmental influences, witnessing horrific incident/s, formulated by one’s wild imagination, false system belief practiced in the family, embedded during the formative years, which develops to mind confusion, mental and emotional problems, causes social dillemas, later on in life.

The formative years of existence, play a very important role in how we behave today. The brain of a child is like a powerful vacuum without a filtration function. Everything said to it and observed by the eyes, gets absorbed quickly.

Years ago, a client of mine brought her daughter to me for depression and for acting strangely. When we were left alone in the room, I asked random questions, which is our usual routine before the treatment session. The timid fragile young lady, in tears, answered politely with her soft speaking voice, eyes fixed on the floor. You can tell that she was afraid and lost.

Apparently, I found out that they were raised being told what to do, forbidden to question the parent decisions for them and to express their opinion is taboo. At her age of 25 (then), she was not allowed to entertain suitors, more so, to have a boyfriend. What she did, she dated a guy that she likes so much – secretly. The action triggered her fears and worries. Mental anxiety took over her and her life. She wanted to die.

After my first life coaching session with her, I already saw a gleam in her eyes and her positive reaction in what we did together. I talked to her parents in a holistic manner and had coaching sessions with them too, to avoid further unintentional harm to their other children. Apparently both parents, were brought up with the same strict rules that they obliged their children to follow. It was a great family healing experience that I am grateful to have witnessed. Now, I can proudly say, that the fraidy fragile girl whom I saw years ago, turned out into a confident successful entrepreneur and a motivational speaker for the youth. 

From the time we were conceived in the womb of our mothers, we were already equipped with the survival instinct, to sense danger. Although fear can protect us, by making us feel to be cautious, when the body feels unsafe, by sending a signal to the nervous system. Thus, the body starts to react either by having a rapid heartbeat, cold sweats, breathlessness, uncontrollable body shaking or all of the above.  Having said these, we also need to be aware if those warnings are for real, like fear of the dark, deep waters, snakes and so on. Or is it coming from imagination – which social media has a big influence on this case or from stories told by the others; Or is it from a school of belief, handed over by our ancestors: My grandfather used to tell us that guys with tattoos are criminals and cannot be trusted. I grew up thinking so, up to my teenage years. 

Fear is a serious illness that delivers unhappiness to the self, loved ones, injure relationships and limits your full potential. It is as bad as a cancer and debilitating. While it is understandable why some are in fear, how do we resolve it? 

Depending on its severity, you may try to resolve it on your own, just like what I did. Otherwise, seek for a professional help, once you noticed that your fear is becoming a burden in your daily functions. An experienced and certified life coach or a life therapist is ideal for this occasion. The facilities provided usually are more comfortable, conducive for the client to easily warm-up, feel safe and trust. A prescription of customized healing design plan, using alternative medicine, which involves different kinds of relaxation methods, breath work techniques, brain programming approaches and exercises, helps tremendously to speed up the healing process. Most importantly, it makes you face your fear, re-gain your strength, boosts your confidence, releases you from the cage of misery and start living normally again.


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